Food: A Love Story

I’ve been a high energy non-stop athlete since I could walk. I’m always on the go and subsequently, always hungry. I also suffer from something called: HANGER. I become wildly unpleasant if I don’t eat every few hours. The sum of this has left me a girl who is not afraid to eat.

In the past year I have begun to work with a nutritionist. Prior to this I fell for what society engrains in our brain, lose weight, eat less, be a size 0. This of course is impossible. I am a 5’10 athlete. I am a large individual. I spend my days in the gym and on the water trying to get stronger and fast. I then come home and go on Instagram and I want to look like a model. This combination is impossible. Perhaps if I couldn’t bench press my weight I would be slimmer but that is something I’ve worked very hard on. I love how strong I’ve become. Sometimes my mirror works against me. I can’t be as strong as I need to and look like Karlie Kloss. The years I was my skinniest were also the years I went the slowest. I would restrict calories to 1200 and continue to workout up to three times a day. I was obsessed with losing weight. Fun fact about being obsessed, you’re never satisfied. The worst part about this was I wasn’t losing as much weight as I’d hoped. By restricting my calories my body was going into starvation mode. It would cling to everything I fed it as it was unsure of when it would get more food. So at this point I was hangery, tired, and not even seeing results.

My nutritionists now has me eating up to 3000 calories. I’m more energized, I have less cravings for sugar (a big problem I have) and my weight is dropping. The key for me has been eating every two hours. This boosts metabolism and keeps me from binging on whatever I can get my hands on later on. By not withholding calories I am making more mindful choices in the kitchen. When I was restricting and it came time to eat aka I was starving and ravenous, I would eat way more and make horrible choices in the kitchen. While it can fell like a full time job eating this much I can see such a difference in my mood.

My relationship with food has improved exponentially. I don’t feel restricted. If I have a persistent craving I’ll allow myself to have a treat but I don’t find myself needing chocolate nearly as much. My love affair with donuts continues but the ball is in my court.

HM

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